Counting Calories

I've been reading some health and fitness blogs, and while really take to the advice regarding exercise, I have a hard time with many of the things said about diet.  The reason is that they almost always mention something about the amount of calories that should be consumed.  Maybe they tell you not to exceed 2,000 calories a day, or that a homemade healthy dinner recipe only has 500 calories.  These numbers scare me, and here's why.

I understand that for some people, counting calories is a useful tool for losing or maintaining weight.  But it doesn't work for everybody, and I was one of those people.



The thing to realize about me is that I'm a perfectionist.  So, I set high goals for myself, and I will do anything to reach those goals.  Once I reach those goals, guess what?  I set another one, even more unattainable than the last, and the cycle starts over again.  That was my problem with counting calories.

I have always been on the average to thin side on the weight spectrum, but when I was in high school, I was around people who made me incredibly self-conscious and I decided I needed to lose "just a few pounds".  I downloaded an app on my phone and set a daily calorie allowance for myself.  The 1,200 calories a day goal was not easy for my food-loving self, but if I finished the day having only ate 1,100 or 1,000 calories, I felt so satisfied.  It was like getting an A on a test, plus the extra credit.  Before I knew I knew it, I wasn't aiming for 1,200 a day anymore, I was aiming for 1,000.

After several weeks, it got worse.  Since I was meeting my daily goal, I decided to set a new one.  So I started budgeting 1,000 calories a day.  Then 800.  Not only was I starving myself, I also ate cups of ice, hoping my body would burn more calories trying to warm itself up, and I forced myself on the treadmill every single night.  I thought about losing more weight every waking moment, even after I reached an unhealthy BMI.  My self-worth was tied to my daily calorie count - on the days I met my goal, I went to bed comfortable with myself, but on the days that I didn't, I looked at the mirror and saw a disgusting failure looking back.  I'd get so discouraged, I'd quit the dieting, but as soon as I saw the pounds creep back, I would starve myself all over again.

This miserable existence continued on and off for nearly two and a half years.  I broke the cycle when I went to college, and thankfully, left behind all the influences that were encouraging my weight loss.  It took me almost an entire year to recognize what hunger felt like again, and now, I eat when I'm hungry, and stop when I'm not.  I have learned to listen to my cravings, because I trust that my body knows what it needs and will tell me (that's not to say I always eat healthy - I mean...ice cream...)

Let me say that I now weigh 20 pounds more than I did when I was in high school, and I'm proud of that.  I believe that my body will tend towards the weight and shape it naturally wants to be, and it is my job to accept that, whatever that shape may be.  I may never lose that belly fat, but that's ok, as long as I know I'm keeping myself healthy.  I feel fitter and better than ever so I must be doing something right, right?

Yet, everywhere I go, I am encouraged to begin the vicious cycle of calorie counting again.  It might be a health blog I'm reading, or maybe a lady at work swears by it and wants me to do the same.  I know that it works really well for some people, but I think it's a very individual thing.  You have to evaluate yourself, and be honest with your personality before you decide to calorie count.  Because for some people, it can be a very dangerous thing.